I am Happy.

I don't like Mountain Dew or video games.
I don't watch TV in my spare time.
I don't play computer games,
     although I spent far too much money on the Sims,
     and I am more tan inclined to do so again.
I don't play any instrument and I don't sing.
Unless you count at home with locked doors
     or on long road trips with good friends.
I still like anime, although it is now more of a memory than a hobby.
I used to like to read, but that has since
      tapered off, which is not to say
      that picking up a good book isn't satisfying.
I write, but not really.
I plan all year so I can write for one month
      and knock out an entire novel in 30 days.
Sometimes I'm successful.

I drink Coke.
I watch too many videos on Facebook
    and read articles written by mothers, for mothers
    though I am not one.
I can't play the same app for more than
    a week without getting bored.
In between novels, I write journal entries
     and poems that don't rhyme
     and have no flow.
I speak German
      and complain about French.
My boyfriend gives me chocolate and pens for gifts
      even though he knows I won't eat the chocolate
      and that I have far too many pens.
And I am happy.

I'm Okay

I'm okay, I'm okay
My heart is shattering.
It's sticking me with its million pieces.
I'm okay, I'm okay
My hands are burning, my skin
Every place where you have touched
Smolders.
I'm okay...
I'm okay.
I need you.
My heart is in my throat.
My tears are on my tongue.
My hand is at my neck
And my mind is screaming for you
God please, please.
Tell me you're okay.
Tell me you need me; you want me.
Tell me you love me.
Please, please.

Your face is in my mind as pain rolls through me in waves.
Your kiss can cool my strongest calm.
I don't regret a thing.
Most of all, I cannot regret you.

I love you.
I love you like the moon and the sun love the planets and the stars.
I want to kiss you like the ocean kisses the land.
I want to be in your arms and feel you touch me like the wind brushes the leaves of the trees.

Be not fleeting.  Be not fast.
Come to me slow.  Love me long.

Simply Diet Coke

There are times where I wish things 
                were as simple as Diet Coke. 
I am simple.  I am complex
     Think of me, and I will appreciate
even the lightest action
I feel like my opinions are
      more valued if they rhyme and
flow smoothly, but
that is not the case.
      Humans are hard to understand, but
they reap great rewards.
     Taking the time to recognize and
appreciate someone's Diet Coke is
crucial to the worth of that person.
     People are responsive, so respond to
everyone as though he or she is a person.
     Value does not lie in the dollar, but
what is chosen to do with that dollar.
I grew up in a family where
   you gave what you had when you
had it because if someone needs
something and you can provide it,
you might as well.
   We gave, we give, what we have
because we know well how it feels to go
without.
    And when we were dependent,
someone cared for us.
     Poverty may not be good, but
it is certainly a close sibling to reality.

Yet.

Nothing in the world sounds as terrible
       As the phrase 'good night',
When those two little words tumble from your lips

Nothing in the world tastes as rotten
     As saying those two words back to you
When we've hardly spoken all day

Nothing in the world hurts as bad
     As hanging up the phone
When I know I won't sleep for another three hours
     because you're on my mind

Nothing kills me more,
    than knowing that this kiss
Will be a goodbye kiss
    and you'll go home
And then you'll leave again.

Nothing is as horrible,
    as knowing that you are mine
And you always will be
   but I have to wait...

Because you can't stay
       yet.

Ladder to the Moon

I would like to climb a ladder to the moon
And gather all the stars away.
I'd put them in a mason jar
And give them to you for your birthday.
And if you were too far from me,
I would walk across the ocean 'til I'm blue
Just so that I would be next to you.
I would like to dance like sunbeams
So that when you see me
You'd be just as amazed as clouds
After a rainstorm.
And I would like to bend like a rainbow
So I could crown your beautiful head,
And I wish that I could be your sunshine
So that you would always have a need for me
Like I have a need for you.

Thoughts About Death and Dying

I have always known about death, it seems.  Death has always been a part of my life.  My pets died.  My grandparents died.  My brother was suicidal until this year when his girlfriend got pregnant with their son.

Death doesn't scare me.  What scares me even more about dying than not knowing what happens afterward is the thought that I may not be remembered.  I fear that I have not, that I will not leave a big enough impact on this world for someone, anyone, to find me worth remembering, worth telling their children about.

Death is inevitable.  Why would I worry about it except to contemplate the how and when?  I would rather live my life than fear its end.  I accept my mortality.  I plan do more, be more.  Because I fear not death, but a silent funeral home.

Dance Alone

And she dances alone
Because that's all she's ever known
But she doesn't have a care in the world
When she's dressed up from head to toe
All eyes turn to her
As she twirls more passionately
Than any man could ever make recur
The billows in her dress
And the shine in her eyes
Are love of self
And finding her own way to rise
She sweeps people off their feet
With her confidence
They follow numbly,
Unable to imitate her dominance
And those so envious
Sit back and call her conceited
But she can't hear them
When their words are so easily defeated
She glances this way and that
But no one else is needed
For this dance
Which she herself has completed